Welp.... we talked about marriage again this week. I think this is starting to become a pattern (i guess i should get used to this, i am a marriage and family major after all). We talked about transitioning into marriage and how to make it easier. I figured since i am not getting married any time soon i would talk about things i can do now, as a single person, to prepare for marriage. I thought of three things. 1. Budgeting 2. Good communication and 3. homemaking skills.

First, budgeting. I can start now by working hard and earning money. I already do that, but now i need to be better at planning out what i need to use my money for so that i properly save my money for future expected and unexpected events/emergencies.

Second, good communication. It is not easy living with the same person for 12 weeks, let alone the rest of your life. But if you can have good communication it can make a big difference. We can start now by practicing listening better. Having an open mind and being understanding of others feelings and opinions.

Third, homemaking skills. Someday we will have to be able to cook and clean for our families (whether we are male of female, dads have got to cook too). Its important no to learn how to make good, healthy, and affordable meals.

If we try to to work on these things now, marriage will be a lot easier to merge into. And in all reality it will make current life a lot easier too. So i invite you all to make goals involving how you can prepare for marriage now. There will always be something you can do to prepare. So do it, and do it now!

Dating? or just hanging out?

This week we talked about marriage.....oh joy. (i hope you caught on to my sarcasm) Being a student at BYU-I marriage is a pretty common topic, and can i be honest....i'm sick of it. I'm not married. I don't know when i'll get married, and honestly i don't know IF i'll get married at all. 

There were some things however that i liked about our conversation in class. We also talked about dating. And not just exclusive dating. But just dating. Two people going on a planned outing. Paired off, and paid for. This definition of a date makes it seem so simple, and it should be simple. We live in a world where dating is almost non-existent. People hang out, and then they become exclusive, they keep hanging out, then they get engaged....then they keep hanging out. I have a word to say to the singles of the world.

STOP "JUST HANGING OUT!"

I am so sick of just "hanging out". I am not saying that i never suggest it, i do it all the time. I constantly ask guys to hang out. Reason being, the worlds view of dating is so changed that asking someone on a date nowadays comes across to strong and forward.  I don't know how to solve this hanging out epidemic, but i hope that my words can help some young single adults be more aware of how much dating has changed, and do something about it. What that something is....i dont know, but maybe you can help me think of something. 

<-------Maybe if we can get dating to look a little less like this .

 

And a little bit more like this ------>

Then maybe we will all have a slightly better chance at this thing we call marriage. 

Gender

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

-The family: A Proclamation to the World

https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng 

Gender is an essential characteristic of individual pre-mortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.... that's a pretty bold statement. But this week in class we have been discussing gender, why its important, and what happens when we mess with it. 

We had a really long discussion on the LGBTQ community. But that is not what i want to discuss. I want to talk about a question we were asked in one of our preparation assignment. We were asked the following:

How are my family experiences and expectations influenced my by gender? And how would those be different if my gender were different?

I had never considered this before. I had never thought about how my gender has affected my family. So i invite you all to contemplate this question in your own life. 

As i thought about this question i realized that my gender has influenced my family a lot. In my family it is usually the women who help take care of the children. I am the youngest in my family and i fall right under 3 boys. As my older siblings got married and had children it was my duty to help tend these children at family get togethers. Had i been a boy, there wouldn't have been someone to do that. I know that doesn't sound like a  big deal. Your probably thinking "isn't that the parents responsibility to take care of their own kids?" Yes. yes it is. But sometimes parents need help. and because of the way my family is set up, there wouldn't have been someone to help, had i been a boy. 

Also, i think of how much i helped growing up with the cooking and the cleaning. My mother needed help with that. The boys were in charge of helping with more physical tasks like mowing the lawn, and helping with big projects around the house. And it was my responsibility to help with the little but necessary things. My mom needed a girl at the end of the line of kids to continue to help her.  

You are probably thinking to yourself "wow, her family is very sexist. Cant the boys help with the cooking and the cleaning and the girls with the yard work?" and again yes. Yes we could have. And sometimes we did. But our family dynamic was very traditional. And we were all okay with that. But we never looked at families who did things differently and looked down upon them. 

I loved the chance to reflect on why my gender was and IS important. If i wasn't a girl i would be accomplishing different things. Not bad things or wrong things, but different things. I believe that i am a girl, because God created, and designed me to be one. He has a purpose for me on this earth and in order for me to fulfill that purpose i need to be ME. 

So i challenge you to reflect why you are who you are. And thank God for making you that way! 

Family: The Treasure of Heaven

All families are different. Some are big, some are small. Some are rich, some are....not so rich. Some are religious, some are not.
This week we discussed families with different social economical statuses and also different cultural backgrounds. How these differences can affect families, and how those families can affect a community.  We watched some videos for class and one that really stood out to me was called "Tammy's story". It showed a family who was very lower class and had a lot of trials (if you'd like to watch the video just follow this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37ZpauS5Doo ).  Tammy had to go through a lot, and work really hard just too barely be able to support her family. I hurt for this family as I watched them have so little. And it humbled me to realized how blessed I was growing up, and how blessed I am even now as a poor college student. At least I have food to eat and clothes to wear.
 

What impacted me most this week as I have studied and prepared for class, and had discussions in class, was an article I read regarding Illegal immigrants from Mexico. I initially thought the article was going to talk about how illegal immigration is bad and how we need to stop it from happening. But i was shocked to find out that it was based on the families that had immigrated, and how their immigration impacted their families. I was both inspired and saddened while reading this article. The purpose behind why parents were immigrating their families to America was, for the most part, to help their children have a better life in the future. None of their reasons were so that they could have immediate happiness. In fact all of them said they weren't happy currently. One mom said "When I was seven my father told me everything grows towards the light. We are here to grow towards the light even when we think that darkness surrounds us. In this family, under these circumstances, we are seeds in the soil trying to grow towards the light." This statement from her really inspired me. This helps me see the reason why i do everything i do. Sometimes life is hard, and it feels like it’s not worth it, but it will be. The immigration seemed to take a hard toll on the children though. They missed their family back in Mexico, and the happiness that they felt when they were with them. One adolescent girl said "I know my parents do this for our well-being, so we’re here. But I think all the people in Mexico are happy because they are with their family. You see, here, it is mostly sadness. I feel like crying instead of feeling good. We used to always be with my family, that’s who I miss."  These poor kids were only staying in the US because they knew that’s what their parents wanted for them. But truly they were unhappy. Other teens talked about how they had had thoughts of suicide, but resisted because they didn't want to make their families suffer any more than they already were. 

Looking at both of these different family dynamics -- Tammy's family and the families of the immigrants -- it has made me ponder why we do what we do.  Why don't these families give up? It would be so much easier for them, right? But something i have realized is family does something to you. It changes you. It makes you work harder than you even thought you'd be able to work in your life.  When life gets so hard and you just want to give up, you don’t, you keep going FOR your family. When all else fails family is always my reason to continue on and fight for what i need to. 

So next time you think that life is too hard, and you want to give up, think of Tammy's family, then think of the immigrant families, and then....think of your family. Because where you might not be rich pertaining to things of the world, you are richer than the greatest king because we have our family with us. 

Week 3- Giving relationships our all

This weeks blog post will be a a little different seeing as i have no class discussions to go off of. I missed class yesterday due to illness, and class is cancelled on Thursday. So my thoughts come only from my personal reading and pondering.

As i did the required reading for class this week i cam across something that really stood out to me, and that is what i would like to focus on today. That topic is known as "The Exchange Theory". This is the "you owe me" theory. It implies that because i did something for you, you now must do something for me. However we usually try to always get back more than we give. In my book this is referred to as Cost and Reward.  This doesn't always have to be things like money though. Cost be something like time, energy (emotional and intellectual), money, etc. And rewards can be anything that the awardee finds satisfying. 

Now....i know what you're thinking. "What a selfish way of thinking!" But we all do this. When we are in a new relationship and we feel that we are always putting in more effort than the other individual then we usually draw back, or pull out of the relationship. But i think there is a misconception on relationships and what they are meant to be. 

This quote is one my favorites. It describes exactly how i feel about relationships, and how they should work. So i guess you could say i disagree with the exchange theory. It should never be "you owe me" it should be"i love you so i will do this for you". No strings attached. If both halves give 100%, neither half will be left unsatisfied. 

On another note, in my opinion the world has a misconception of happiness, and how it is obtained. The exchange theory leads us to believe that we need to be rewarded for our service in order to be satisfied in life. And i dont agree with that. Dont get me wrong, it is way nice to have someone serve you, and give back after you have served them. But sometimes, for me, the greatest happiness comes from me serving others with no expectations in return. 

 

I live by this quote. And i can testify that it works. I have found the greatest happiness by striving to make others happy. This is how the God has invited us to find happiness, and no theory can convince me otherwise.