Competing Fathers

In blended families there are always outlying family members. There is the initial blended family, but then what about the family members that got pushed to the side? When previously divorced people get married, or even when previously widowed people get married, there is always going to be an ex spouse or a ex grandparent that still wants involvement in the family life. This can create problems. One problem i would like to address that i think is a problem is competing fathers. 

When mothers remarry they usually get the largest amount of custody with kids. So the children easily like mom better, because they are with her more. So dad has to try to make the short time he has with them more fun and appealing. Also the new stepfather has to try and make kids who have never met him like him. In both of these fathers situations they usually turn into what is known as "Disney Land Dad". This involves excessive gift giving, relaxation of rules, and lack of discipline. 

Parents, even divided ones, should never try and pit children against another parent, or try and fight for affection. parents need to join in in co-parenting. They need to support each others parenting. It may seem hard at first, but it will be worth it when you know that the child is always getting even, and equal parenting from each parent.

The purpose of parenting

What is the purpose of parenting? Most people would say it is for the children. Parents are to teach their children how to survive in life, and be good people. Where both of those thing are true  and very important, there is more to parenting to just that.  There is another purpose of parenting that i want to focus on. That purpose is to help parents (adults) learn responsibility and selflessness.

In order to be successful parents, parents need to give themselves and dedicate themselves to their children. Children need a lot of attention, especially in the first few years. There are many needs that children need that take place of parents wants.

I have 7 siblings that are married who have children and i have seen a change in all of them as they have added children to their families. They have cared less about video games, sports and crafts, and focus more on the goals, dreams and desires of their children. They haven't lost themselves in their children though. They do the things they love with their children. They have just made their children the focus. Because my siblings have done this i have also noticed that the way they treat other people is different. They focus outward more, they ask how others are doing more often, instead of expecting people to ask them. They have become selfless.

So yes, parenting is for children, but lets not forget that parenting is for the parents as well.